Perks of being 60

or almost 60

• Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size
• Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either
• Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service
• People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
• People no longer view you as a hypochondriac
• There is nothing left to learn the hard way
• Things you buy now won't wear out
• You can eat dinner at 4 PM
• You can live without sex but not without glasses
• You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations
• You get into heated arguments about pension plans
• You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it
• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge
• You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room
• You sing along with elevator music
• Your eyes won't get much worse
• Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off
• You can't remember who sent you this list