DJ in the throes

Okay. I'm in the throes of menopause and cannot take hormone replacement therapy. Here are some takes from my personal experience.

• I now have personal experience with the word "rivulet." (As in rivulets of sweat pour from under my breasts and down my back.)

• My makeup sweats off my face before I'm even finished putting it on!

• When I purchase clothes now, I don't ask myself questions like: "Does this make by butt look big?", "Does this color look good on me?", or "Is this on sale?". It's now, "Is this sheer enough to breathe so I won't perspire like a pig?"

• Would HP acknowledge menopause as a disability and would they be willing to accommodate me by installing a walk-in freezer in my cube?

• The thought of wearing panty hose is as horrific as the thought of being tortured by Iraq's Republican Guard.

• Real fears of spontaneously combusting!

• Do hot flashes burn calories?

--dj