Desperation

GOP elephant

How sweet it is!

I received in this morning's mail a letter from Ed Gillespie, and it lifted my spirits tremendously.

As soon as I saw the envelope, I knew I was in for a treat.

envelope from RNC

I mean, how could I not be? There was that adorable elephant decorating the return address, and peeking through a glassine window were words that evoked shrieks of laughter while still on the driveway.

window

And that was before I opened the letter and read the salutation: "Dear Fellow Republican."

O-mi-gawd! They want me to join the Republican National Committee! How desperate is that? And knowing that the Republicans are so-o-o-o desperate that they would invite me to join the RNC buoys my spirits! And it also makes me wonder if the same people who ignored Nathaniel Heatwole are the ones assigned to monitor my website.

my membership card
My membership card (Click picture to enlarge and see all the details!)

They even sent me a membership card! With a membership number, no less! Making me a sustaining member! I think I'll frame it.

This was, of course, a letter to beg for money. The 3-page (!!) cover letter had underlined and capitalized code words and phrases in almost every paragraph: "MUST STAY THE COURSE," "the liberal Democrats' partisan obstructionism," "Commander in Chief," "the ideas and values we share," "move our country forward with strong, compassionate conservate leadership," and so on.

survey
Voter Platform Survey (Click to enlarge and see my answers)

In addition to my money, they wanted my opinion and enclosed a Voter Platform Survey for me to fill out so they could "fine-tune our 2004 campaign agenda." I am, of course, only too happy to fill out the survey and send it back in the envelope they so considerately enclosed. But I will not affix my own first class stamp to help "save much needed funds."

contribution schedule

I note that the Republicans are not shy about asking for substantial contributions. There are check boxes for amounts up to $250, as well as the ubiquitous "other." In the event "I cannot participate at this time" I am invited to nevertheless send along a "contribution of $15 to help defray the cost of this project." Do they think I'm too stupid to figure out that that's just another contribution level below $25?

The processing of responses to this campaign will no doubt be done by some Bangladeshis or Indians to whom the RNC has outsourced the work. (Not kidding— see Misleader.org) Nevertheless, it will please me to know that these people will see that not everyone in the US is enamored of The Shrub. (Although I'm sure they know that already!)